the beauty of nature
i love the nature, it's so beautiful. the sun rise in the morning, it's like a big ball of fire in the sky, and the colors, oh, they're so pretty, like a painter's palette. when i walk in the park, the trees, they're like giant friends, standing tall and strong, their leaves rustling in the wind. sometimes, i see birds, they sing songs i can't understand but they sound happy, like they're telling secrets to each other.
once, i saw a rainbow after the rain. it was like a bridge between the earth and heaven, full of colors, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet, all in one. i wondered if there was a pot of gold at the end of it. but then, i remembered, rainbows don't stay long, they fade away, just like life, it's short and we should cherish every moment.
in winter, everything turns white. snowflakes, they're like tiny dancers, falling softly from the sky. they cover the ground, turning it into a fluffy blanket. it's quiet, peaceful, like the world is sleeping. i love to make snowmen, but they melt too fast, it makes me sad.
nature teaches us many things. it shows us beauty, but also the cycle of life, how everything has its time. we should learn from it, live in harmony with nature, protect our environment, because without it, we wouldn't be here.
老师评语：
本文中，作者以直观的感受描绘了对大自然的热爱，语言虽然略显单薄，但充满童真和想象力。然而，存在一些语法问题，如'it's so beautiful'应改为'it is so beautiful'，'the colors, oh, they're so pretty'可简化为'the colors are stunning'。同时，段落间的过渡稍显突兀，需增强连贯性。
内容亮点：
文章的亮点在于作者生动的比喻和直接的情感表达，如将太阳比作火球，把树描绘成巨人，彩虹视为天与地的桥梁，这些都展示了丰富的想象力。然而，对冬天的描述稍显平淡，缺乏类似的生动描绘。
优化参考：
对于冬天的描述可以进一步细化，比如：“in winter, snowflakes pirouette gently, painting the world in a serene white. the frozen lakes mirror the sky, creating an illusion of infinity. the silence is broken only by the crunch of snow underfoot, a symphony of the season. yet, it's bittersweet, for the beauty is ephemeral, reminding us of the fleeting nature of life.”
批改后作文
标题：embracing nature's wonders
i adore nature, its splendor never ceases to amaze. each dawn, the sun ascends like a radiant orb, casting hues that rival a master's brushstroke across the heavens. strolling through the park, trees stand as silent sentinels, their leaves whispering secrets in the breeze. occasionally, birds serenade me with melodies i cannot decipher, yet their joyous tunes resonate deeply.
recalling a vivid memory, a rainbow emerged post-rain, a spectral arc stretching from horizon to horizon. its vibrant spectrum, red to violet, seemed to promise untold treasures at its terminus. however, like life's fleeting moments, it vanished, leaving behind a profound lesson about cherishing every instant.
winter transforms the landscape into a tranquil white canvas. snowflakes pirouette gracefully, settling softly upon the earth, transforming it into a soft, white duvet. the stillness is interrupted only by the crunch of snow beneath my boots, a seasonal melody. snowmen, though temporary, teach us about transience, instilling a sense of melancholic beauty.
nature imparts invaluable wisdom. it showcases not only aesthetic allure but also the circle of life, emphasizing the importance of coexisting harmoniously with our environment and safeguarding its sanctity. for without nature's embrace, our existence would be naught.
作文写作素材：
阅读参考
建议多阅读《瓦尔登湖》以理解人与自然的关系，学习《安徒生童话》中富有想象力的描绘手法，同时，可以研读《英语初级语法》以巩固基础语法知识。
相关诗句
1. 伯鸾长啸出东都，来卜龙邱二亩居。千岁仍昆作英语，五噫文采尚周馀。胸中万卷未得力，堂下一言谁识渠。我亦微官方冷甚，恨无燕玉可相嘘。
