hello, everyone! my name is li ming. i'm 13 years old and i'm in grade 7 at no.1 middle school. i love playing basketball, although i'm not very good at it. i always get so excited when i'm on the court, even if i miss every shot. it's just so much fun running around with my friends.
my favorite subject is science, especially biology. i find it fascinating how living things work, like how plants photosynthesize or how our hearts pump blood. sometimes, i mix things up in my science experiments, but that's part of the learning process, right?
i also enjoy reading. recently, i've been into harry potter books. they're magical, literally! i wish i could receive a letter from hogwarts one day. but, you know, i'm still waiting for my owl. sometimes, i confuse the characters' names, like calling hermione 'ginny', but that's okay, it's not like anyone's perfect!
in english, i'm working on my pronunciation. i tend to mix up 'th' sounds with 's' or 'z'. for example, i might say 'fifteen' instead of 'fifzteen'. i know it's a bit confusing for others, but i'm practicing every day. my teacher says i'm improving, which makes me feel really good.
i have a pet dog named max. he's a golden retriever and he's so friendly, always wagging his tail. sometimes, i accidentally call him 'muffin', but he doesn't seem to mind. we're best friends, and we learn from each other, like how i'm learning patience from his endless energy.
that's pretty much me in a nutshell. i'm a work in progress, always eager to learn and grow. i hope you'll get to know me better as time goes by.
老师评语：
li ming's self-introduction shows a genuine personality and enthusiasm. however, there are a few areas needing attention. the confusion between 'th' and 's' sounds is mentioned, and the mixing up of character names in the harry potter series indicates room for improvement in reading comprehension.
内容亮点：
the narrative about the love for basketball and the excitement even amidst failure demonstrates a relatable and authentic voice. the personal touch of the pet dog, max, adds a heartwarming element.
优化参考：
the segment about science experiments could be more specific, detailing a particular incident. the confusion with the harry potter characters could be turned into a humorous anecdote, making it more engaging.
批改后作文
greetings all! i'm li ming, a 13-year-old seventh-grader at no.1 middle school. basketball is my passion, despite my less-than-stellar skills. each missed shot fuels my determination, making every game an exhilarating adventure with friends.
science, particularly biology, captivates me. i'm enthralled by life's intricate mechanisms, like how chlorophyll captures sunlight in plants or how the circulatory system propels blood. while conducting experiments, i've had my fair share of mishaps, but they've taught me valuable lessons.
reading is another pastime. currently, i'm engrossed in the wizarding world of harry potter. i often dream of receiving a hogwarts acceptance, momentarily confusing hermione's name with ginny's. it's a reminder that even avid readers can stumble, but it's all part of the journey.
in english, i'm diligently working on my 'th' pronunciation, substituting it with 's' occasionally. for instance, 'fifteen' becomes 'fifzteen'. my teacher's encouragement fuels my daily practice, and i'm seeing progress.
max, my golden retriever, is my constant companion. his unwavering joy teaches me patience, despite my occasional slip-ups in naming him 'muffin'. together, we're learning and growing.
this brief glimpse encapsulates my essence. i'm an ever-evolving learner, eager to connect with others on this journey.
作文写作素材：
阅读参考
to improve pronunciation, consider watching english cartoons or movies with subtitles. reading more challenging texts like "charlotte"s web" or "the chronicles of narnia" can enhance vocabulary and comprehension. regular practice with tongue twisters will aid in mastering the "th" sound.
