my favourite hobby - playing basketball
ever since i was a little kid, i've always found basketball fascinating. it's not just the game that draws me in, but also the thrill of competition and the camaraderie among teammates. i remember the first time i held a ball, it felt like holding the world in my hands. my dad, who used to be a high school basketball star, taught me the basics - dribbling, shooting, and passing. but, i still can't make a three-pointer, which is quite a 'trouble' for me.
in school, i joined the basketball team. our coach, mr. johnson, is strict but fair. he says, 'basketball isn't about height, it's about heart.' sometimes, i feel like i'm not good enough, especially when i miss easy shots. but then, my teammates cheer me up, reminding me that we all have our off days. that's what i love about basketball, it teaches you resilience and teamwork.
during weekends, i often play pickup games at the park. there, i met diverse people from different walks of life. we may not know each other's names, but we share a common passion. once, i played against this guy who seemed so pro, i thought he'd dominate. surprisingly, i blocked his shot! that moment, i felt like i could conquer the world.
however, playing basketball isn't always smooth sailing. sometimes, i get injured, like the time i sprained my ankle. it was painful, but it made me appreciate the game more. i realized, pain is temporary, but the joy of playing is eternal.
老师评语：
the essay showcases a genuine affection for basketball, revealing personal experiences and growth. the narrative is engaging, with vivid descriptions and emotions. however, there are a few areas needing refinement. the sentence 'i still can't make a three-pointer, which is quite a 'trouble' for me' could be rephrased for clarity. also, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother.
内容亮点：
the author successfully captures the essence of their love for basketball, painting a picture of their journey and the lessons learned. the anecdote about blocking the pro player's shot adds a compelling twist. the essay also effectively demonstrates the power of sports in fostering resilience and unity.
优化参考：
the phrase 'i still can't make a three-pointer, which is quite a 'trouble' for me' could be improved as 'struggling with three-pointers remains my achilles heel, but it fuels my determination to improve.' for smoother transitions, consider linking ideas with transitional phrases like 'meanwhile,' or 'furthermore.'
批改后作文
ever since i was a toddler, basketball has captivated me, its allure extending beyond the game itself to the spirit of competition and team camaraderie. dad, once a high school basketball sensation, initiated me into the game, teaching the fundamentals. although i haven't mastered the three-pointer yet, this 'challenge' only spurs my resolve.
in school, i embraced the rigors of the basketball team under coach johnson's tutelage. his mantra, 'it's heart, not height that counts,' echoes in my mind during tough times. despite occasional setbacks, like missing easy shots, teammates' encouragement reminds me of the game's essence - resilience and unity.
weekend pickup games at the park expose me to a melting pot of players. a memorable encounter was with an intimidatingly skilled opponent. surprisingly, i managed to block his shot, a moment that filled me with a sense of invincibility. these experiences illustrate that pain is fleeting, while the joy of the game lingers.
作文写作素材：
阅读参考
for enhancing this piece, consider studying "hoosiers," a classic basketball-themed film, and reading "the breaks of the game" by david halberstam, which delves into the nba"s human side. also, exploring essays on perseverance, like "the art of fielding" by chad harbach, would enrich the narrative depth. remember, practice makes perfect, not just in basketball, but in writing too.
相关诗句
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