it was a sunny, shimmering day when i woke up, and i knew right away that it was perfect for a beach adventure. the sun was already peeping through my window, its warm rays tickling my face, as if whispering, 'get up, there's fun to be had!' i jumped out of bed, hastily throwing on my bathing suit, not caring if the straps were a bit twisted or if the bottom was a little loose.
i grabbed my towel, sunscreen, and a sandwich i hastily made – two slices of bread with cheese slapped in between, no lettuce or tomato, just simple and straightforward. my mom called out, 'don't forget your hat!', but i was already out the door, the sound of her voice trailing behind me like a kite string.
the beach was bustling with people, their laughter and chatter blending into a symphony of joy. the sand felt like a thousand tiny hands massaging my feet, and the waves crashed against the shore, their music soothing and wild at the same time. i waded into the water, the coldness making me gasp, but then it was exhilarating, like a refreshing slap on my cheeks.
as i swam, i saw something shiny beneath the water. i dove down, my lungs burning, but i couldn't find it. i resurfaced, panting, my goggles slightly askew, but i didn't give up. it was like a treasure hunt, a game i played with myself. eventually, i found it - a seashell, not the prettiest one, but it was mine, and it made me feel victorious.
after hours of playing in the water, i lay on my towel, feeling the sun's warmth on my skin. i watched the seagulls soaring high above, their cries echoing in the breeze. it was then i realized, the beach wasn't just about the sand or the sea; it was about the feeling of freedom, the simplicity of joy, and the beauty of nature.
in the evening, as the sun bid farewell with a blaze of orange and pink, i walked home, my heart full of memories. that day at the beach wasn't extraordinary, but it was mine, filled with small moments that made it special.
老师评语：
your narrative captures the essence of a day at the beach vividly, with a childlike enthusiasm that is endearing. however, there are a few areas that need attention. the sentence 'the sun was already peeping through my window' could be rephrased for better grammar. also, the transition from swimming to finding the seashell could be smoother. lastly, the ending feels abrupt, lacking a sense of closure.
内容亮点：
the essay successfully recreates the atmosphere of a beach day and the narrator's personal experience. the use of sensory details, like the 'thousand tiny hands massaging my feet,' and the analogy of the sun's rays as a 'refreshing slap on my cheeks,' are particularly engaging.
优化参考：
the sentence 'as i swam, i saw something shiny beneath the water.' could be improved to provide more context, such as 'as i swam, a glint of light caught my eye, suggesting something shiny beneath the waves.' the ending could be rounded off by reflecting on the day's significance, perhaps adding, 'tired yet content, i returned home, carrying with me the treasures of the day.'
批改后作文
it was a radiant morning when i awoke, and the sun's gentle caress through my window hinted at a beach-bound adventure. i hastily donned my bathing suit, not minding the misaligned straps or the loosely fitting bottom. with a hastily assembled sandwich (just bread and cheese, no fuss), i dashed out the door, leaving my mother's reminder about a hat in my wake.
at the bustling beach, the sand felt like a thousand playful fingertips on my soles, while the waves' rhythmic crashes composed a melody of delight. venturing into the water, i was initially startled by the chill, but soon it became invigorating, like a bracing splash on my face.
determined, i dove beneath the surface, searching for the elusive sparkle i'd glimpsed. my lungs burned, and my goggles slipped, but i persevered. finally, i emerged triumphantly, clutching a plain seashell – a humble trophy, but one that held the thrill of discovery.
exhausted yet elated, i sprawled on my towel, basking in the sun's embrace. gazing at the seagulls dancing against the sunset, i realized the beach was more than just sand and sea; it was a canvas for unbridled joy and a testament to nature's grandeur.
as the sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of sunset, i walked home, my heart brimming with memories. though the day was ordinary, its moments were uniquely mine, etched with the beauty of simple pleasures.
作文写作素材：
阅读参考
to enhance your writing, consider reading "the giving tree" by shel silverstein for its emotive storytelling, "walden" by henry david thoreau for his vivid descriptions of nature, and "the adventures of tom sawyer" by mark twain for its masterful portrayal of childhood experiences. also, revisiting english grammar exercises and studying transition words would help improve sentence flow and coherence.
相关诗句
1. 伯鸾长啸出东都，来卜龙邱二亩居。千岁仍昆作英语，五噫文采尚周馀。胸中万卷未得力，堂下一言谁识渠。我亦微官方冷甚，恨无燕玉可相嘘。
