hello, my name is tom. i'm a student in grade 7, and i love playing basketball. my birthday is on the 12th of march, which makes me a pisces, and i believe in the stars' influence on our lives. sometimes, when i miss a shot in the game, i blame it on mercury being in retrograde!
i have two dogs, max and luna. they're like my best friends. max is a golden retriever who always fetches the ball, but luna, a little chihuahua, just chases her own tail. it's funny to watch, isn't it? our house is never quiet with their barks, but i wouldn't trade them for anything.
my favorite subject at school is science. i find it fascinating how things work, like how plants photosynthesize or how the solar system revolves around the sun. but math, oh, math is a different story. it's like trying to solve a mystery without any clues. i struggle with fractions and decimals, but i'm determined to get better.
in my free time, i enjoy reading adventure novels. i've read 'harry potter' series three times! the world j.k. rowling created is so magical, it makes me wish i had a wand too. i also like drawing, although my art skills aren't great. my teacher says they're improving, though.
that's pretty much me in a nutshell. i'm just an ordinary kid with big dreams and a love for life's simple pleasures.
老师评语：
tom's essay showcases his enthusiasm and personal interests. however, there are some grammatical errors and inconsistencies that need attention. for instance, the reference to astrology in the context of missing a basketball shot might be a bit whimsical for a school essay. also, the transition from pets to academic subjects could be smoother.
内容亮点：
the essay reflects tom's personality vividly. his passion for basketball, affection for his pets, and struggles with math create a relatable character. the mention of 'harry potter' adds a touch of childhood charm.
优化参考：
while the narrative is engaging, a few areas can be refined. instead of blaming missed shots on astrology, he could express his determination to improve. the transition from pets to academics can be smoother, perhaps by linking their playfulness to his curiosity about science.
批改后作文
hi, i'm tom, a seventh-grader with a fiery passion for basketball. march 12 marks my arrival, making me a piscean, but i don't let horoscopes define my game. sometimes, when i miss a shot, i remind myself that practice, not planetary alignment, makes perfect.
max, my golden retriever, and luna, my feisty chihuahua, are my constant companions. max retrieves balls tirelessly, while luna amuses us with her tail-chasing antics. their energy fills our home with joy, even amidst the barking symphony.
science captivates me with its endless mysteries, from the intricate process of photosynthesis to the grandeur of the solar system. math, on the other hand, is a puzzle i'm determined to unravel. fractions and decimals often bewilder me, but i'm persistent in mastering them.
when not on the court, i dive into the wizarding world of 'harry potter', rereading the series for its enchanting narrative. i also dabble in sketching, albeit clumsily. my art may not be masterpieces yet, but every stroke brings me closer to improvement.
this is me, a young dreamer finding magic in everyday moments, striving to excel in both the classroom and the court.
作文写作素材：
阅读参考
to enhance this essay, tom could explore books like "the magic school bus" for scientific concepts, "math for the gifted student" for math improvement, and "the artisan"s handbook" for art skills. reading more descriptive essays and practicing transitioning between ideas will also help.
相关诗句
1. 伯鸾长啸出东都，来卜龙邱二亩居。千岁仍昆作英语，五噫文采尚周馀。胸中万卷未得力，堂下一言谁识渠。我亦微官方冷甚，恨无燕玉可相嘘。
